11 Other Board Games Changes That Must Happen

News

ByTheMinUKNews

Just when you think the world cannot get any madder, this happens... Yes, Mrs White - a mainstay of board gaming since the 1920s is being removed from Cluedo to be replaced a more politically correct character. With that in mind, here's 11 other changes to board games that I feel need to happen right away.

BOARD GAME CHANGE #1: Chess The game of kings and pawns can no longer be played on black and white tiles. Where are the rainbow colours of the world, eh? A disgrace. I call for this board below to be used in all competitions from today.

BOARD GAME CHANGE #2: Scrabble No longer are the 26 letters of the regular British alphabet deemed useful enough in this multi-cultural society of ours so I hereby call on the makers of the game to introduce kreska/acute accent (ć, ń, ó, ś, ź); the overdot or kropka (ż); the tail or ogonek (ą, ę); and the stroke (ł). Will add to the game and get a shitload of extra points too!

BOARD GAME CHANGE #3: Monopoly The standard Monopoly board hasn't changed in years (sure, there's the spin-off version but they are played with once and then forgotten about). I call on the makers to replace the material from steel to plastic due to the decline of the British metal industry. Get with the times folks!

Graham Terris

Should be Graphene, the future of materials and stuff, and first found in Manchester.

BOARD GAME CHANGE #4: Risk This game needs scrapped completely due to the health and safety procedures in place throughout the land in 2016. There should be no risk whatsoever. Purely well assessed dangers which have been snuffed out. Goodbye Risk. Hello Precautions Safely Avoided.

BOARD GAME CHANGE #5: Uno Why the hell are we bringing Spanish words over here, stealing our English ones in the title of OUR board games? Get rid. Now. Call it One. End of.

BOARD GAME CHANGE #6: Battleship In a world of technological advances, why are children still forced to play a game based on naval fleets? Boats are these days best used for holidays. I call on a change to this game to remove the word "Battle" and replace with "Luxury Cruise" ship. Winner is the person who best avoids the icebergs.

BOARD GAME CHANGE #7: Connect Four We have advanced a race so much in the past century that surely we can connect more than just four counters in a game. I say rename the name Connect Forty Four. This would have the added boost of more jobs due to the greater need for an increased production line. Counter intuitive that.

BOARD GAME CHANGE #8: Backgammon Just get rid of this altogether. I mean who the f**k plays Backgammon in an age of Facebook, Snapchat and YouTube??

BOARD GAME CHANGE #9: Pictionary Paper and pencil are so last century. Replace the paper with tablets and replace the pens with stylus' and you have yourself a technological winner. In fact, just take the board away as well and play "Draw Something" instead.