The Lion King



Oi Simba, stop being a bellend and get back to your kingdom. Nala is right. Nala is always right. You're an idiot. You're the guy who goes on Jeremy Kyle despite knowing he's been with his girlfriend's sister at a Premier Inn.

One of my favourite scenes right there when the wise baboon dances on the tree. Reminds me of that Vine of Gail Platt on the pills.

Wise baboon = the greatest character in the history of the world. End of story. Goodnight. No argument.

Who's this old geezer in the clouds?'s Mufasa. That was probably what I thought when I was 5 as I'd enjoyed TImon and Pumba (and the baboon) so much that I forgot that Scar had killed him.

"The monkey's his uncle" is another of my favourite lines of the film. One of those that doesn't age. A bit like when Mr Potato Head says "what are you looking at you hockey puck?" in Toy Story. Almost funnier in adulthood than childhood.

So into the final part we go. That cliff looks familiar. A bit like Richard. Minus the BBC cameras overhead. Good that Timon and Pumba have turned up as well. Happy ending is a-coming. Is there a Disney film that DOESN'T have a happy ending? Can't think of one.

More family feuds between Scar and his sister-in-law, whose name slips me by. Oh well. It's nearly over so who cares. Here's the real Jeremy Kyle moment "Mum, I Am Not Really Dead - But Yeah My Dad Actually Is After All".

EH? This didn't happen did it? Simba admits to the death of Mufasa?? So there's a really rather big part that I forgot about... Or have Channel 4 just invented this bit for tonight?

Now I remember...knew there was the big reveal at some point. But where's the lie detector Jeremy? Even the wise old (if slightly high on some form of illegal substance) baboon doesn't know where Kyle's card is right now.

So I actually can't remember how this film ends...does Simba kill Scar? Or does he just run away? Feels like I'm watching it for the first time. I'm pretty certain this isn't the "Simba, I am your father" film though...