Never Have I Ever Seen #1: Pulp Fiction



10.05pm: WILLIS RAGE!!!!!!!! WILLIS RAGE!!!!!!!!!!!!! He loves that bum watch doesn't he? Bless. Silly French girl. They always let you down the French.

10.08pm: The question is, who took the watch? Danny off of Grease? Sam J? Those two punks from the start of the film? Uma? My money is on Uma. All day long.

10.11pm: HOLY CRAP!!! DANNY IS DEAD!!! Taken out by one of the greatest weapons I've ever seen in a film. Right into the shower. Willis 1 Zuko 0

10.14pm: HOLY CRAP!!! AGAIN!!! I think the guy that wears the plaster just got run over by Willis. He isn't dead though. Willis may well be in the next few minutes though. This film just got exciting. Massively exciting.

10.16pm: Now a racist music shop owner has just nutted Willis with a gun and appears to have kidnapped both Willis and the plaster dude. He's got them both strapped to a chair. And gagged. Kinky.

10.18pm: Some sheriff has now arrived on the scene but I can't stop looking at Willis and the ball cock that appears to be in his mouth. AND NOW A GIMP ARRIVES ON THE SCENE TOO? WTF IS THIS??!!

10.21pm: I have no idea what I am watching right now. Bruce Willis is attempting to get out of a chair he's been attached to whilst someone in a gimp suit hovers over him. Willis frees himself too. The new Houdini ladies and gentlemen.

10.22pm: Is "gimp" still politically correct in 2016? If not I apologise to all in the community.

10.23pm: Oh aye Bruce. Instead of leaving the premise like any rational human being, you just pick up a Samurai sword and slice the racist music shop owner to shreds. Swiftly followed by plaster dude taking his revenge on the guy who just raped him by shooting his cock off. Best. Scene. Ever.

10.26pm: "I'm a get medival on your ass" And with that, this movie is on fire.