Never Have I Ever Seen #2: Wall-E



530pm - in what I believe is the thrilling climax, Wall-E and Eva have saved the day from the evil computerised co-pilot. But Wall-E looks in a very bad way.

533pm - The humans have returned to Earth, but how is Wall-E? I'm telling you now it's not looking good. He needs solar power that's what I've learnt. Ah Eva knows that as well. She's a good lass. Yay he's recovered!

536pm - Whats gone on here...his memory has been erased. This is genuinely quite sad. I can see this upsetting some kids. Oh but wait his memory has come back. What a lovely little ending that is.

538pm - Is that the end. I think so. The only saving grace of that film was the last 30seconds when it was quite heartfelt.

Q: So, what did you make of Wall-E then?

Seriously, I thought it was rubbish. Now I admit I'm not the target audience, but it did not captivate me one bit. It was too slow. The wife said to me before watching it "If you don't like this film you have no soul." Therefore I have no soul.

Q: IMDB has a rating of 8.4 for this, agree?

I don't know what the fuck they're on about. Seriously this film ranks higher on their list, than Reservoir Dogs, Taxi-Driver, The Sting and Full Metal Jacket. Do you have IMDB's number? I'm going to give them a ring.

Q: So wrap this up by giving Wall-E a 5 word review…

Bore your kids this afternoon.