X Factor: The Auditions Continue



Evening gang. I'm back to watch another night of X Factor "fun" for all you lucky, lucky people. Last night was...well...a little dull. Until this radge turned up...

So all I ask is that we get another Honey G-type moment tonight. And cut the sob stories ITV. Everyone has it tough in life. Don't ram it down our throats. Go back to being fun. Then you'll have a top show again. Not one that struggles to get over 6 million viewers.

It's back to my homeland of Scotchland to start the show. We have bagpipes. And kilts. It's almost like we are a walking, talking, singing stereotype. NOW THE BLOODY PROCLAIMERS TOO! WE ARE NOT ALL TARTAN WEARING, WHISKY DRINKING, JOCK BAWBAGS ITV!!!!

God this guy is doing my nut in already. The "Scottish Simon Cowell" apparently. Eddie Lee is his name. He's a walloper. A sheer and utter walloper.

Eddie Lee is the definition of Yer Da. Everything from his haircut to his voice to his dodgy dance moves.

SOMEHOW, Eddie has managed to get through. With 3 yes's. Ridiculous. And Simon Cowell can't stop telling him how attractive he is. What a patronising git.

BLOODY FINNISH FOLK COMING OVER HERE...STEALING OUR TALENT SHOW SPOTS Shouts a raging Nigel Farage into his TV. Which was imported from an EU country. The irony.

She's from near Lapland where, in her own words, "The Santa Claus is from". She's going to *try* and sing Sia's Chandelier. Which is one of the best pop songs of the last 10 years. If she ruins this, she can get on the first flight back to Santa land.

It's not as good as the original (but you can't beat perfection so...) BUT it is a really nice rendition. Even her homeland people are giving it a standing ovation...

I know I tend to go down the sarcastic, mocking tone to add some extra excitement into this God awful show...but that was really, really good. I'd pay to listen to that. That's about the best compliment I can give it. And I'm Scottish, so notoriously tight with money.