England
3

Scotland
0

Football

ByTheMinEurope

Good Evening everyone. In the words of Des Lynam, you've heard there is a game on have you? The oldest fixture in international football has a new twist tonight England take on Scotland in a World Cup Qualifier for the first time ever.

I am Stephen Clark and I'll be bringing you the play by play action tonight, with added colour (well, tartan) coming from Mr Roddy Graham. All we are missing is an Irishman and some racial stereotypes as the ingredients for a bad joke.

Roddy Graham

Niall Hawthorne will be along soon no doubt!

The teams are in, and no fancy graphics needed for a game of this magnitude (mainly because I can't be bothered finding any) I'll start with the England line up first

HELLO! HELLO! WE ARE THE SCOTTISH BOYS! And we're gonna get gubbed 0-3 and Strachan will be at the job centre come Tuesday. I'm Roddy Graham, the chosen pessimistic Scot to bring his usual dour tone to proceedings...

ENGLAND: Hart, Walker, Stones, Cahill, Rose, Dier, Henderson, Sterling, Rooney, Lallana, Sturridge

I'm not typing up the subs because there are billions of them. Scotland line up next.

SCOTLAND: Gordon, Anya, Berra, Hanley, Wallace, Fletcher, Forrest, Brown, Morrison, Snodgrass, Griffiths

As an Englishmen, I'm dreading this. Nothing to gain but three points. A whole lot to lose should Scotland turn us over. TIme for the anthems

Here's the plan of action for tonight...when you read SC at the start of the update, it comes from the tight Yorkshireman of the two of us. When you read RG at the start, it's the tight Scotsman telling you some innate guff. Got it? Good. NOW LETS GET IT RIGHT UP THESE ENGLISH ARSEHOLES!!!!

SC - Flower of Scotland being roundly booed by the England fans. There was a time when the home fans would have been outnumbered for this one.