I Can't Believe I'm Watching This!! - TOWIE

TV

ByTheMinTV

Evening all! It's @hannakin__ here, about to sit through my first ever episode of The Only Way Is Essex for the latest installment of 'I Can't Believe I'm Watching This!'. I must have done something to upset the folk at ByTheMinute towers recently.

Now I'm by no means a newcomer to this reality TV business like some of our writers. Kardashians? Made In Chelsea? Geordie Shore? Love 'em. Not sorry about it. But TOWIE has somehow managed to pass me by. I wasn't even aware 'ITVBe' was a channel until 5 minutes ago.

Right then, let's get started shall we. Disclaimer at the start tells me some of these scenes have been set up for filming. I. Am. Shocked.

Okay, we open on 3 blokes and a girl doing 'laughter therapy'. One of the blokes, who I'm reliably informed is called Arg, says it's important to keep the banter flowing. Arg is going out with Gemma Collins, he doesn't want to go round her house because he's worried he'll end up sleeping with her. The others seem confused by his lack of will power.

Lauren and her best friend with the impeccably groomed eyebrows are having a heart to heart in the middle of a shopping centre. I've no idea who Jon is but Lauren is S T R E S S E D about their relationship. Cut to Jon! Look at all that hair product. He's not worth it Lauren.

We're in a gym changing room and Pete's having a heart to heart with two other guys. He's just broken up with Megan (again?). Best hair of the night so far on display right now. Back at the cafe, Jon and co. are having a gossip about Meghan and Pete. Sounds like they don't really like either of them but they're picking sides anyway.

Okay I recognise Meghan. Isn't she trying to become a country singer? She's upset because they both started seeing other people during their break but she's the one who's taking the flack. She's having a good heart to heart with her mum in a restaurant. I'm more interested in the slice of cake on the table. I think it's banoffee pie.

We're back with Megan. She's come to the realisation that Pete's an arsehole. I could have told you that within five minutes of seeing him. She's off to America to become the next Taylor Swift. Good luck hun.

Right we're on the high street. Yaz and Courtney are doing a bit of shopping. Full outfit. Full face of make up. But their hair is still in rollers? I genuinely have no idea what's going on here. Is it a fashion statement? I don't see this catching on, but then again I though the same thing about jeggings in 2010.

Petes met up with someone in a car park for a potential dust up. It's a like a rejected scene from Green Street this. Oh. They're just talking. No punches thrown. I'm almost disappointed.