West Ham United



David Moyes, eh? Can we get started by saying what a shite appointment that is by West Ham. All agreed? Good. Marco Silva, eh? Everton are throwing money at him, but Watford are just throwing the money straight back, and sticking two fingers up to go with it. They want to keep him, probably mainly out of fear that they'd have to appoint someone like David Moyes to replace him.

Let's start with the team news. Watford have the bright talent Will Hughes in midfield. Next to him is a chap called Zeegelaar, who I swear I have never heard of in my life.

HOOOF! David Moyes seems to be starting with the basics. Andy Carroll up front, absolutely zero pace in the team and Mark Noble in midfield to do the shouting. It's got them shithousing a 1-0 away win written all over it.

The teams march out of the tunnel at Vicarage Road, Watford in yellow, West Ham in claret and blue. The players shake hands and jog to there respective ends. Kick off is just moments away!

1' West Ham get the game underway!

1' Ten seconds in, a long ball to Andy Carroll and he's flattened the debutant Zeegelaar, elbows and all, and there is blood coming from the Watford man's face. The David Moyes era starts in cracking fashion.

3' Zeegelaar is absolutely pissing blood at the minute. It looks like he may require some stitches. The game has been going for three minutes and we have had 13 seconds of football.

4' We are back underway. Zeegelaar seemed to be bleeding from inside the nose rather than a cut on it so he should be alright.

6' Just had a spell of 10 passes, only 3 of which found a team mate. This could be a long afternoon.

7' Carroll has now jabbed an elbow into the ribs of Kabasele, who is winded. Not deliberate again, but he's certainly leaving his calling cad.