Bournemouth
1

Southampton
1

Football

ByTheMinEPL

Afternoon all. @aidanleape here to bring you coverage of the New Forest Derby (It's not a derby), between Bournemouth and Southampton at Dean Court. Kick off is just under 15 minutes away in the derby that isn't a derby. Here's some music to get you rocking.

Right then. Some team news. Eddie Howe, who says this is a derby, has just admitted in his interview pre-match that this isn't really a derby, but more a building rivalry. Whatever that is. He's gone with these 11 players: Begovic; Smith, Francis, Ake, Daniels; Stanislas, Lewis Cook, Surman, Fraser; King, Defoe. On T'Bench: Boruc, Steve Cook, Gosling, Pugh, Afobe, Wilson, Ibe.

And for Southampton, who just really want to play Portsmouth, Mauricio Pellegrino has gone with this little set: Forster; Pied, Van Dijk, Hoedt, Bertrand; Davis, Romeu; Ward-Prowse, Tadic, Boufal; Austin Spending at least some of this match on their arse are: McCarthy, Yoshida, Lemina, Gabbiadini, Redmond (ears still ringing I assume), Hojbjerg, Targett

Right then, teams are out on the pitch. The atmosphere is not exactly rocking. Because it's not a derby. The commentator has described it as a 'South Coast Skirmish', which just sounds terrible in every sense of the word.

Right. Off we go. Bournemouth kicking from right to left as I see it through my telebox. 0-0 (0)

Should declare an interest that I've had a bet on this game, amongst others, so we need both teams to hit the back of this net today. You'll thank me later when this ends 0-0. 0-0 (2)

Southampton on top early. Tadic down the outside, and found by Bertrand. Tadic with the pull back from the byline towards Austin, but he is beaten to the ball by Ake, and can only fling his boot at thin air and pull a face like I would on the toilet if I'd eaten 86 boiled eggs in one sitting. #clogged. 0-0 (4)

Not the most entertaining of starts, but Southampton the better of the two sides. I'm not sure that Bournemouth have actually touched the ball in the opposition half. 0-0 (7)

As I typed that, Bournemouth have started to have literally all of the ball. Obviously. Because I have to be made to look like a complete rambling idiot. Fraser and Charlie Daniels working well down the left hand side, and are the focus of everything the hosts do. 0-0 (10)

Corner for Southampton now after Pied decides to gamble the farm for the first time. He's looked petrified to go forward until then, so that was refreshing. Should have led to a goal too. Fantastic corner in, and Van Dijk has the freest of headers at the near post. He flicks it on with pace, but there is just too much whip on it, and the ball fuzzes away of the unmarked far post. 0-0 (12)