Good evening. Sam Allardyce just gets the job done, doesn't he? Teetering with a relegation battle when he joined, avoid defeat tonight and they will sit ninth. Swansea on the other hand. Oh, Swansea. In a league full of absolute shite, it takes a big effort to stand out as being truly awful. But Swansea are. They're bottom, and only a win tonight will get them off it. They're in trouble.

Let's look at the teams. And Everton first. That Wanye Rooney's banging them in, just when will the Wayne to Russia starts shout?

As for Swansea, well it's a line up that screams average. And also, it screams the Championship.

Swansea have only scored 9 goals in 17 games. 9 in 17. It would almost be enough to take up watching bowls or skiing or anything that isn't football if you're a Swansea fan, surely?

The teams are in the tight Goodison tunnel. Bonus points to both sides for not wearing stupid training jackets to walk out and shake hands in. Everton are in traditional blue, Swansea in very non-traditional red. Z cars plays, Goodison tries to roar, but it's a Monday night in December and it's Swansea at home so nobody's heart is really in it, and kick off is just moments away.

1' Swansea get the game underway!

2' Fer bends a ball in behind to Narsingh, he moves into the box in acres of space, but his cutback is behind the onrushing Swansea players and Everton clear.

4' Tammy Abraham is coming on. Bony appears to be the one who has picked up a knock.

4' Yep, Bony is done, a muscle seems to have gone. Abraham on and Swansea are already finding problems today.

6' It's been a slow start.