Porto
0

Liverpool
5

Football

ByTheMinEurope

ALRIGHTY THEN. You're ready. I'm ready. The football is (nearly) ready. And none of us give two flying hoots about Valentine's Day. This sounds like my absolute dream. I'm @aidanleape, and welcome along to our coverage of this Champions League Round Of 16 First Leg against Porto. CUE THE MUSIC

Roddy Graham

You owe me 50p for the copyright phrase.

aidanleape

Jesus. Is that your thing? Really? I thought I'd been all original...

Read more replies

I feel we do need a proper song though. Something ostensibly Liverpudlian and something that I can pretend is apt for February 14th. Let me have a fumble through my filing. A-ha. Here we go. Not A-Ha. But this festive (I still don't know why) classic

So there we are. Two songs, and I've already pissed off the boss. Going well this isn't it. Anyway, we're 10 minutes from kick off, so I think it's about time I gave you two lists with the names of 11 people on them. Please hold.

Thank you for holding. Your custom is important to us. You are now being forwarded to the Porto Starting 11 Hotline. The players that will start this evening will be listed at the sound of the tone. *BEEP* Jose Sa; Pereira, Reyes, Marcano, Telles; Otavio, Herrera, Oliveira; Brahimi, Marega, Soares

No Liverpool Starting 11 Hotline. I know. Sad times. You were enjoying my charade. Admit it. Liverpool anyway, they go with this 11: Karius; Alexander-Arnold, Lovren, van Dijk, Robertson; Milner, Henderson, Wijnaldum; Salah, Mane, Firmino

Roddy Graham

Have a feeling Liverpool could run riot tonight. 1-4 my not-in-the-slightest expert opinion.

aidanleape

I have the sneaky feeling that this might be a tricky one actually. Tonight anyway.

Lets set the scene in Porto. It's absolutely sheeting it down over there. Some fan has just pinged off a firecracker. The referee is Italian. Got it. Good.

Liverpool underway in their 'Electric Orange.' Hopefully, the future is bright. HAHAHAHA. BANTER. 0-0 (0)

Going to be a long night this one. Porto's players have those names that the BBC cannot seem to fathom on their hand teamsheets. das Chagas Soares dos Santos up front anyone? I think he shortens to Soares. Maybe. Either way, early apologies to our Portuguese followers. 0-0 (3)

First corner for Porto. Alex Telles up to take it. He's a set piece expert I'm told. Oh. Wasn't a bad ball either. Starts off high and dips wickedly. Defended well by Lovren. Makes a change that. 0-0 (4)

Liverpool not quite at it yet. Marega going for a header in midfield now. van Dijk straight down like he's taken a taser to the ribs. Unsurprisingly, the Italian referee whips his arm out and gives what could only be loosely termed as a foul, and the visitors have perhaps a chance to get their foot on the ball. 0-0 (7)