Bayern Munich
5

Besiktas
0

Football

ByTheMinEurope

Evening all, and firstly, a congratulations. You've not bought the hype or the obvious intrigue of Chelsea v Barca. And besides, you know that the Catalan's will give them a right spanking. Oh no. You've made a good choice. And so, I, @aidanleape, welcome you to what is now being designated as hipster corner, as we settle back to enjoy Bayern Munich v Besiktas.

Just under 15 minutes to kick off. So you need some team news don't you. YES YOU DO. Here goes then. Bayern: Ulreich; Kimmich, Boateng, Hummels, Alaba; Vidal, Javi Martinez; Rodriguez, Muller, Coman; Lewandowski. OFFT. Tasty.

And for Besiktas: Fabri; Adriano, Pepe, Vida, Erkin; Hutchinson, Medel; Quaresma, Talisca, Babel; Vagner Love

Meanwhile, there are 14 men who will begin this game sat on padded seats, but who could end up affecting the outcome of the match. Bayern: Wagner, Sule, Robben, Ribery, Rafinha, Starke, Tolisso Besiktas: Tosic, Negredo, Ozyakup, Lens, Arslan, Zengin, Gonul. Plenary all done. Kick off is 5 minutes away.

Theme tune on. Just thinking about this game, literally anything could happen tonight and nobody would really notice. This could be a 26 goal thriller, with Jupp Heynckes celebrating by smearing butter over his naked torso and still I doubt anyone would be reading this, such is the stature of the other tie. Well, apart from you obviously. But you're stupid.

The referee is the Romanian Ovidu Hategan, which is a right mouthful to type. Anyway, he has the whistle pursed between his lips, and gives a shrill old peep. Away we go. 0-0 (0)

Also, can we just take a moment to ask how is Ryan Babel still playing in the Champions League. That is an unjust disgrace which renders this competition almost void of any merit whatsoever. 0-0 (1)

Senol Gunes meanwhile is the Besiktas boss. And I tell you what, he is wearing the most sensational piece of neck-wear I think I've seen this decade. It's brown, and looks very silky. A few little patterns on it inject flecks of colour. Looks gorgeous. Probably cost an arm and a leg, but it might just be worth the decapitation. Babel with a foul as he looked to drive forward. 0-0 (3)

Besiktas have started on the front in this one, but haven't carved up anything clear cut. Quaresma with a floating free kick which is dealt with simply by Hummels. 0-0 (5)

Vidal v Medel is a battle in midfield that is just waiting to explode. It'll be knee high tackles and spitting within the half hour. Much like Delph and Aguero last night really. Deep cross from Alaba I'm pretty sure. On the head of Muller, who clambers well, only to see the ball bend off his head and well wide. 0-0 (7)