Houston Open 2018: Final Round



Good afternoon Ladies & Gentlemen, boys & girls. Happy Easter to you all from my frigid snowy perch high up in the Rocky Mountains. I'm @doreguymike bringing you the grand finale of the Houston Open from Humble, Texas, where everything is BIGGER.

The winner here will earn the last spot at Augusta National next week for the pilgrimage we take every April.

I'm making a pilgrimage to Sunshine Village next weekend so I won't be near a television. I'll be doing all those tricks I learned at Pyeongchang in the Ski-Cross. Larfs. Right. England's finest, Mr Ian Poulter is currently leading Houston at -16. He's got his ball on a string today folks. Lurking 2 behind is a gaggle of golfers, Beau HOSSler from Bonanza game, Paul Dunne or Dunners as we call him

Ooooo. Poults drains another one & now his lead is three. Heehee.

Dunners grew up in South Dublin, Greystones actually, and is a decent player. He led the Open after 3 rds in 2015, unluckily losing to my favourite Bible Thumper at the end. Now people, he's a deliberate player, or if you weren't Irish you'd say he's slower than fecking MUD.

Hey. Here's a leaderboard. My favourite golf cheat somehow got his mug into this board.

Dunners is done ha. He hit his drive 306 on the 8th, then carved some kind of fairway metal into the drink on the right of the green. No good. Now Spyth, on 12, 293 yd hole, and he lays up. Chicken shit.

OMG. Dunners dropped at the edge of the hazard, fluffed his chip up in the air, and back it comes into the drink. Geezus. His Easter dinner is ruined.

Spyth stiffs it. Laying up does work I guess. After all, my favourite Bible Thumper laid up on All the Par 5s, All 4 days at the Masters in 2007' and walked away with the Green Jacket.

Commercials for Taylor Made now. Tell yous, I test drove the "Twist Face" driver this week. ???? Was like hitting a frying pan. Nope. On the other hand. The Ping G400 Lst. Drools uncontrollably on the keyboard.