Well. Evening all I guess. Not that anyone is watching. Apparently there is some other game on. Passed me by. I'm @aidanleape, and I absolutely love these nights, because it's just you and me, hunkered down in a dark corner of the internet watching Barcelona v Roma. And I intend on being very silly. Don't know about you. CUE THE MUSIC

Sets of teams there are. Barcelona are at home, so we will peak at their set first. ter Stengen; Semedo, Pique, Umtiti, Alba; Roberto, Busquets, Rakitic, Iniesta; Messi, Suarez On the bench are Denis Suarez, Dembele, Cilessen, Paulinho, Alcacer, Gomes, Vermaelen

As for Roma, it's a 4-3-3 that shapes up like this Alisson; Bruno Peres, Fazio, Manolas, Kolarov; Lorenzo, De Rossi, Strootman; Florenzi, Dzeko, Perotti. Benched are Juan Jesus, Schick, Gonalons, Defrel, Skorupski, Gerson, El Shaarawy

Right then. Players in the tunnel. Michael Owen has given Roma "no chance", so we may as well all pack up and go home really I guess. Only joking, I'll sit tight through the next 90 minutes so you can watch Liverpool v City. I'm basically a public service.

Some debate over whether Barca's right back is Semedo, Nelson or Cabral. I'll go with one of them when we get going and stick with it, but I've not made that decision just yet. It's like an intricate game of bingo. How exciting. Are you not already entertained? Away we go. Barca with the ball to get going. Feel we'll see a lot of that. 0-0 (0)

Great start for Roma. Perotti to the byline and he flicks in a cross. It seems to float for an eternity, and ter Stegen, Pique and Umtiti all seemingly just stare down the ball. They manage between the three of them to clip it clear, but it wasn't the most apt of defensive displays. Empty seats all round the Camp Nou. Even this mob have heard about the jumped up Premier League game. 0-0 (2)

Pork. What is it with pork. Have a bit of tea and there is all sorts of mess in your gumline. I'll by hoofing my tongue around my mouth for hours. Bloody pain. Meanwhile, we've decided it's Semedo at right back for Barca. The artist FKA Nelson, and also FKA Cabral. Barca holding the ball (shock horror), Iniesta's ball through just finds Messi offside there though. 0-0 (5)

Mum: "This referee seems to be letting them hack each other up" Me: ***Rubs Hands*** Suarez meanwhile is now found with a through ball from Rakitic. Smashes the ball into the back of the net, but he's an imperial mile offside, and the flag is a'fluttering in the Catalan breeze. 0-0 (8)

Dzeko begging for a penalty. He's been fed through with a through ball from Pellegrini. He's goal side of Semedo on the right of the box. He senses the defender coming and yells timber. Referee, wafts his hands and smugly turns away. I am all down for that sass. Meanwhile, strange atmosphere in here tonight. All. A. Bit. Well. Stilted. And. Arsenal. 0-0 (10)

First legal sighter from Messi. Picks it up back to goal, wiggles around about 30 yards out, sees no help is coming, and decides to batter it. Alisson down well to thump the ball away. 0-0 (11)